I have had so many questions recently about relationships. It boggles my mind that when people get into a relationship with someone, that they want to change them. It also is amazing to find that when people get into relationships there seems to be a power struggle going on. I have never understood that. When people get together, they get together because they like who the other person is. And actually, if you want to know the truth, if you are ok with who you are, then you will more than likely be ok with who they are. When you start dating someone, you are attracted to them in many ways. It can be on a spiritual, emotional, intellectual and physical level. If you are finding yourself in a relationship where you want to change your partner, or you can see the potential in them and you feel like you are going to mold them into all that they can be, you are probably with the wrong person. Let them be who they are every single day. No matter how you think you are going to change their habits, their way of doing things, remember something. They have lived many years without you before you came along. They have habits and ways of doing things that are set routines, and that are part of who they are. If you can accept that then you are well on your way.
Remember when you first met? What attracted you to that person? Was it the way they looked, the way they talked, or was it what they believed in that made the difference? Was it their intelligent conversation, their cute way of doing this or that? What about the things that bothered you? Did they have strong opinions that didn't quite match with yours? Did they have friends that maybe were not up to your standards? Did they do certain things that you wish they didn't? I know a lot of people both men and women, who say things like "That's ok, I will fix him/her".
I think that when people meet, and when they get into a relationship, they need to remember what attracted them to that person in the first place. I have been in relationships with friends and lovers and family, where I have been able to completely and I mean completely accept who they are and what their journey is. I am not about to try and change anyone. If we don't like who we see in front of us, then we probably should not be with them. If the values and morals don't match, then that is not the place for you. I wish more people thought that way. I think people would be in happier relationships, if they could just accept and love everything that the other person is.
I was recently working with a client who is very much in love with someone that just does not fit for them. This client told me that they would love to see certain changes in their mate. My client told me that if their mate just didn't do this that and the other, then the relationship would be perfect. Sometimes the differences are just too great.
Well, I'm here to tell you that no relationship will ever be perfect. There will be things that you don't like in your mate, but there will be other things that completely outweigh those things. Those are the things that are important.
If your mate needs to do things that don't fit for you, then maybe that isn't the place for you to be. But trying to change them will never work. Don't you think it would be amazing to let go of those things and come together at the end of the day and say " hey how was your day"? What did you do today? Let me tell you about my day." Don't you think that it would be amazing to be in a relationship where you could feel free to be who you are and do what you need to do for yourself and then come together as a couple. We don't need to have so much in common that we are like twins. We need to have a common bond, some common interests and lots of love to see us through. What we need is to be able to accept the person for all they are and for all they are not. If it fits for you and you can be ok with some of your mates interests that are not your own, then good.
I have an amazing friend who is married to someone that is not very much like her at all. And yet they are very similar. They have their differences, don't see eye to eye sometimes, but they know that they are connected to each other with love, deep connection They know that no one is going anywhere and that they will always work hard at their relationship because they love each other just the way they are. This couple has been married for over 20 years and the love that is shared between the two could make you wish for the same. He loves to go and camp on his own in the hills, and she loves to travel the world. He loves to renovate and do things around the house and she loves to worship and give her gift of love to young adults and teens. But I have seldom seen such love between two people. They accept each other for exactly who they are, together and apart.
Here are a couple of things I really believe. If you can connect on many levels, then that is a blessing. The physical is usually what attracts people in the first place, but being able to connect on many levels is what will sustain your relationship over the long run. The physical body eventually looses its shape and sometimes it's beauty, but what lies beneath the outer shell is what counts.
It's important to take your time to discover things about each other. Don't rush, allow things to unfold as they should. Don't worry about how it will all come together. There is a greater plan at work here. Everything that is meant to be will be. If you love someone, love them with all your heart. Be emotionally, spiritually and physically available. Work on the things that are important together but don't try to mold your partner, or change who they are. The way they are is what you fell in love with in the first place.
I may not always love everything about the people I love in my life, but I will always, always want to be able to take my journey the way I want to and I will always, always let them take theirs the way they want to. Friends, lovers or family, doesn't matter, whoever they are, whatever they are, they are loved.
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